Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: AU. After defeating Aizen, Ichigo decides he needs to find a job. Urahara and Yoruichi, unsurprisingly, have a suggestion or two...
1. Chapter 1

**Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo**

By Andrew J. Talon and The EroSennin

Based upon an idea by byakuryuu

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Bleach is the property of Noriaki "Tite" Kubo, Shonen Jump, Viz and others. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: This is a collaboration with The Sage of Toads, and is officially part of his "Interview" verse. How far it will go is up to him, but until we decide that, enjoy.

* * *

It had ended, not with a bang as many had thought it would. Nor with a whimper, as others might think.

No, the conflict between Hueco Mundo and Soul Society, for the sake of all creation, had ended with two words:

"Oh _fuck_."

Indeed, the normally unflappable Sosuke Aizen, renegade and omnicidal maniac was not one to use profanity. It was beneath him to utter vulgar terms as to resort to such language was to show a lack of options. Which Aizen never had a lack of, hence his cool, collected exterior.

However, the moment Ichigo Kurosaki and Inoue Orihime had broken through the barrier between Hueco Mundo and the Real World, the latter's Shun Shun Rikka: Sôten Kisshun on her lips, Aizen uttered his last words just before he was erased from reality.

A silence fell over the battlefield as the assorted combatants in the conflict ceased their fighting. All eyes turned on the orange haired pair that had, with a single strike, ended the war and saved the universe. What words might these heroes, these paragons of virtue have to say in regards to their great victory.

"Fucking _finally_," Ichigo sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Took _forever_ to get here."

"I don't think it was all bad, Kurosaki-kun," Orihime said brightly. "First month was the worst, but after that it really picked up!"

"That's only because of that thing we swore to never speak of again," Ichigo said flatly. Orihime frowned and rubbed her chin.

"You mean the talking magic ponies?"

"No, the other thing," Ichigo said.

"That funny blue police box-"

"The _other _other thing," Ichigo gently admonished, as though used to it.

"... Bicycling mongoose?" Orihime guessed. Ichigo thought about it, then shrugged and nodded.

"Sure, why not?"

"Oh, not a problem Kurosaki-kun," Orihime said cheerfully. "I won't say a word about it! ... Except I already have so... Do I say a negative word now to counter it?"

"Kurosaki... Do you have an explanation?" Yamamoto, Supreme Captain of Soul Society, inquired with a baffled expression. Ichigo turned and shrugged as Orihime tried to sort out mathematics and language in equal measure.

"There's a three month time difference between here, Hueco Mundo, and the dimension between the two. We got stuck in it and trained for a good long while before I could burst through, and she was confident she could take down Aizen." Ichigo crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "So, can we go home now or what Old Man?"

Yamamoto opened his mouth... Closed it... Then reopened it.

"Of course... Now that Aizen is dealt with," Yamamoto said.

"And Orihime is not a prisoner or traitor, correct?" Ichigo asked. Yamamoto nodded.

"Correct."

Ichigo slumped. "Good... God..." He looked over at Orihime. "Inoue, it's fine. You don't need to worry about it."

"Oh! All right," Orihime said with a smile. "Um... Thank you Kurosaki-kun."

Ichigo nodded and looked at Yamamoto. "My friends had better not be traitors either, got it?"

Yamamoto nodded. "Of course."

With that, Ichigo and Orihime headed off, walking on the air with ease to check with their friends on this side. Ukitake Jûshirô and Kyôraku Shunsui, Yamamoto's closest captains, approached their mentor.

"Oi, Old Man... You're taking this rather well," Shunsui observed.

"Quite reserved," Jûshirô added.

"I just saw Kurosaki's kid and his girlfriend defeat Aizen in a single shot," Yamamoto said wryly. "I think the best thing to do right now is bind our wounds... And drink. Drink heavily."

Shunsui laughed. "Now that's what I'm talking about, Old Man..."

* * *

Following the festivities, the parties, and the elation of knowing you'd just ended a threat to the entire universe, things returned to normal for Kurosaki Ichigo. In fact, it was a normality he'd frankly craved from the moment Orihime had been taken to Hueco Mundo.

Not that he minded being a shinigami. Frankly, it was fucking awesome. However, he preferred to be able to enjoy it without the constant threat of traitor Shinigami captains, super-powered Hollows, or various random vampires, revenge-hungry Shinigami, Soul Society nobility power struggles or rogue Zanpakutos showing up to try and destroy the world, kill his friends or otherwise ruin his fucking day.

And all of that within the space of a month!

Ichigo felt as though far too much had been crammed into his life lately. Hence, he had the perfect escape.

"2005 Mazda Axela," Ichigo said, holding the printed out ad up to his comrades as they ate lunch up on the school roof. "Looks perfect for me."

"Woah!" Keigo exclaimed as he leaned over his lunch to read. "An L3-VDT engine with 260 horsepower! Zero to sixty in only a couple of seconds! That's... Really awesome, right?"

"It'll suit my needs," Ichigo said.

"So, a car already Kurosaki?" Uryu asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Have you considered how to pay for it?"

Ichigo smirked. "Yes, I have. And it'll work just fine, too."

* * *

"NO ICHIGO, I WILL NOT PAY FOR YOUR NEW CAR!" Isshin Kurosaki bellowed, holding his arms up. He grinned. "You may have thought asking me for money would work but now I have made that moment where you thought of it _ironic_, haven't I? OOF!"

A kick from Ichigo to his face sent Isshin flying into the wall. Isshin got up immediately and grinned as Ichigo glared.

"Come on! I saved the frigging world, doesn't that give me the right to have _one car_?"

"If I had not given birth to you, you would not have saved the world, therefore the payment still resides with _me_!" Isshin declared dramatically. Ichigo glared back.

"And if you had just told me you were a shinigami, all this might not have happened!"

"Ah, but it did! So the money is staying right where it is," Isshin said, crossing his arms over his chest. He grinned. "You'll just have to settle for getting it yourself! It will be far more rewarding for a lazy son like you!"

"Lazy? I SAVED THE WORLD!" Ichigo shouted. "I nearly DIED dozens of times! I've fought vampires, Shinigami, Arrancar, Hollows, my own damn Zanpakuto, _fucking ninjas_...!"

"Yes, but what have you done for it lately?" Isshin asked flatly. "Your life can't just be saving the world when it needs saving! You must contribute to it in a more productive way!"

Ichigo considered his options. He could continue to argue with his dad and beat the crap out of him, which would do no good. Or, like an adult, he could agree and go get a job.

"All right, I will," Ichigo said.

"AHA! THAT'S THE SPIRIT! SUFFER AS A WORKING STIFF LIKE YOUR OLD MAN, SON! IT IS THE WAY OF THE WORLD AND-GAAAHHH!"

Ichigo punched his father out a nearby window, and nodded in satisfaction as he crashed into a trash can outside.

"I'm an adult, so I'm defining what that means from now on," he decided. He activated his laptop and started searching, paying no mind to his father's yelps or the accompanying yowls of neighborhood cats.

"OUCH! NO, BAD KITTY AAHH THAT'S NOT A FISH EEEEP!"

A few moments later, a familiar masculine voice came through his window.

"Did you _have_ to spoil my dinner?"

"I didn't know you were there, Yoruichi-san," Ichigo said flatly. The black cat scampered through the window and onto Ichigo's bed, before heading over to jump onto his desk. She peered at his laptop screen, interested.

"Job hunting, are we?"

"Yeah," Ichigo said, scanning through several possibilities. He scowled. "Being a shinigami isn't going to pay for a car... Or the insurance."

"No, it won't," Yoruichi chuckled. "But at the same time, how many skills do you have that aren't related to fighting? That might limit your job options a bit..." The cat took on a lascivious expression. "Shame you weren't born a girl. You could do compensation dating."

"That's prostitution!" Ichigo sputtered. Yoruichi chuckled.

"Still so prudish... Oh! I know!" She grinned. "You could be an escort."

"That's also prostitution!" Ichigo retorted, looking and feeling quite annoyed. Yoruichi chuckled again.

"Only if you have _sex_~."

"And there's no chance of that! Ichigo, you are an ugly, scowling punk! No woman would ever think of touching you!" Kon, Ichigo's mod soul, announced. His fluffy lion body leaped up on top of the desk, and he pointed a paw in Ichigo's face.

"I, on the other hand, am a ladies' man! No woman can resist me! With my charms and your looks, I might actually get some play-GMMPH!" Ichigo punched Kon into the nearby wall, not looking away from the screen. "So cruel...!"

"This looks promising," Ichigo said aloud. "'Wanted: Security Guard for shop.' Easy enough."

Yoruichi hummed thoughtfully. "This could be good. Though it's still a considerable waste of your talents."

Ichigo smirks. "I get to beat people up. It's good enough for me."

* * *

The job wasn't quite all it was cracked up to be.

"_You're late_!" Ikumi Unagiya stated flatly, after kicking Ichigo in the face and sending him to the pavement.

"Ugh... Again?" Ichigo groaned. He popped up, irritated. "Sorry!" He sighed and rubbed his nose as Ikumi looked at him imperiously. It hadn't really hurt but it was annoying. "So, what's up?"

"The usual. There are some punks who've been casing the store, and while I can handle them myself tonight is an important night for me and I can't be bothered. So go drive them off for me."

"Got it," Ichigo grunted. He turned and headed off, but paused. He looked over his shoulder at Ikumi, who was staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing! Do your job, guard dog," she said flatly as she turned and headed back into her shop. Ichigo snorted through his nostrils and headed off.

After dealing with the punks and sending them fleeing, Ichigo returned to the shop. Not seeing Ikumi in the main shop, he hopped over the counter and headed to the back of the shop. He entered the office.

"Ikumi, I'm done with..." He trailed off and blinked. An empty bottle in Ikumi's hand wobbled, and fell over onto the desk. Ikumi leaned backwards in her chair, staring at Ichigo through bleary eyes.

"Hey, are you all right?" Ichigo asked.

"Huh? N-No... I'm fine..." Ikumi mumbled. Ichigo frowned. The empty bottle of Jack Daniels said otherwise.

"No you're not," he said. He leaned over the desk and scrutinized her closely. Ikumi scowled.

"I don't need you to examine me, guard dog!" Ikumi snarled, shoving him back.

"Gah! Fine, geez!" Ichigo said with a scowl. He turned to go out the door, before Ikumi spoke again in a softer tone.

"It's..."

Ichigo turned his head to look over his shoulder at Ikumi. She was staring down at the desk.

"It's the anniversary of the death of Kaoru's Dad," she admitted. She looked up with bleary eyes and scowled. "I'm just a little depressed..."

Ichigo slowly sat down in the chair across the desk. "I'm sorry."

Ikumi scowled. "I didn't hire you for sympathy!"

"No! It's free," Ichigo growled back.

Ikumi stared back for a long moment. Ichigo glared back at her. After a while, Ikumi slowly nodded. She turned in her chair and slowly reached out to the cabinet by her desk. She pulled out another bottle and glass, and set the glass down. Shakily, she poured the bottle into the glass, and when it was full she pushed it over to Ichigo.

"I'll pay you extra if you'll sit here and drink with me," Ikumi said. Ichigo stared at the drink in silence, before he took up the glass in his hand.

"I won't take the money," Ichigo said flatly. Ikumi shrugged.

"Then shut up and drink for free," she said. She took a swig of her new bottle, while Ichigo sipped at his liquor with a grimace.

"Ugh...!" He coughed.

Ikumi snickered. "Lightweight, huh? I figure a delinquent like you drinks all the time."

"Pfft! No... Couldn't get past the smell," Ichigo said with another cough. He took more sips and slowly got used to it. It wasn't any worse than the medications in Soul Society Unohana had shoved down his throat.

"So... Why did you take the job?" Ikumi asked, swirling the liquor around in the bottle. She stared at Ichigo through the empty bit of the bottle.

"I need the money for a car," Ichigo said. Ikumi blinked.

"That's all?"

"That's all," Ichigo said. He shrugged thoughtfully. "Maybe some money for college..." Ikumi began to snicker. He scowled as his employer began to laugh harder. "What? What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing...it's just funny that a kid with your rep is so," she snickered. "..._Upstanding_."

"I can't help it if people judge me based on what I look like," Ichigo shrugged. He frowned. "What did you think I was after?"

"I don't know... Money, power..." Ikumi licked her lips. "Women? Like Scarface. You seem like you'd be a fan."

"I am... But look what happened to him in the end," Ichigo snickered. Ikumi laughed as well.

"Yeah... Still... Money? Power? Women? Those don't interest you?"

"Money's just something I need. Power...?" Ichigo remembered what it felt like to first achieve Bankai, to master his hollow state, all of it... "I'm good." He shrugged. "As for women... That's complicated."

"Complicated, for a bad boy like you?" Ikumi teased. Ichigo shrugged, leaning back a little more in his chair.

"Yeah..."

"A bunch of girls after you at once?" Ikumi pressed, resting her elbows on the desk as she peered under the brim of her hat at him. Ichigo licked his lips as he felt her gaze penetrating him, and his gaze moved down to his own glass.

"Yeah..." He lifted his glass up to his lips and sipped.

"You fuck any of them?" Ikumi asked. Ichigo shook his head.

"No! No..."

"Why not?" Ikumi asked. Ichigo snorted.

"Complicated..."

"So you're..." Ikumi covered her mouth as she snickered. "You've never... Hahahahaha!"

"S-So?" Ichigo said defensively. "So what?"

"Just... Unexpected," Ikumi said in a softer, silkier tone. Ichigo felt a thrill run up his spine. She was practically purring...

"You poor boy," she said in a little laugh. "Orange hair..." She shot him an impish smile. "Blue balls."

"It's not that funny!" Ichigo said defensively.

"I think it is," Ikumi smirked. She poured herself more and held her glass up, slowly, to her lips. Ichigo took another, deeper swig and snorted.

"Thanks, that's so helpful," he said sarcastically.

"Do you want my help?" Ikumi asked.

"How would you help me?" Ichigo said flatly, raising his glass to his lips again. Just as he was drinking, Ikumi spoke.

"I could take your pesky virginity."

Ichigo choked, and spat out the burning liquor onto the table. His eyes shot wide open as he stared in shock at Ikumi. His boss was casually running her finger over the neck of her bottle, her eyes dark.

"Wh-What?"

"It was a hypothetical suggestion, not a proposition," she said easily. She slowly got up, and keeping one hand on the desk to steady her, she walked around the desk. Ichigo felt the urge to back away, but somehow the warm fuzziness in his head from the alcohol kept him still.

Ikumi sat down in his lap, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She pressed her breasts against his chest and Ichigo suddenly became aware of just how large, firm and warm they were. Her darkened eyes stared into his, and the whiskey on her breath flowed over his face.

"Now... This is a proposition," she whispered. She leaned in and kissed him. "Mmm..."

Her tongue slid between his surprised lips, and Ichigo found his tongue clumsily responding. Their mouths began to fight, and instinctively Ichigo found himself battling hers as their tongues wrestled. His arms wrapped around her slim waist as he pulled her more tightly against himself, a new kind of warmth flowing through his body at the intense contact.

"Hnn... Mmm..." She broke the kiss and nuzzled his cheek. "Haa... Ichigo..."

"Yeah...?" Ichigo whispered back.

"It's been years since I've had sex, and I'm a little too far gone to be responsible for my actions. So, do you want to have sex with me?" Ikumi whispered into his ear, the heat of her breath seemingly sending a shock down to his groin. Ichigo groaned softly.

"If you make me cum, I'll give you a bonus~," she purred.

Inside, through the haze of warmth and the hard determination in his soul came a familiar voice.

_Go for it King. What are you... A pussy?_

Decision made, Ichigo pressed his lips back against Ikumi's and went for it.

And Ichigo made sure he earned that bonus, and then some.

After they were done, Ichigo found himself back where he'd started this whole thing-Sitting in the chair in front of Ikumi's desk. She was back in his lap, panting for breath as she nuzzled his neck. They were both naked, as well, and quite the mess had been left on the desk.

"No way... You're a virgin," she moaned softly. "No way..."

Ichigo couldn't help a little smirk that would have better fit the face of his inner Hollow.

"Believe what you want," he mumbled, running his fingers over her ribs. She giggled a little, and Ichigo found the sound intriguing.

After a short time though, Ikumi got off his lap. She walked unsteadily back behind her desk and sat down. She opened a drawer and pulled out a wad of cash. She set it down on the desk.

"Now... Take this... And go," Ikumi said. Ichigo blinked uncomprehendingly.

"Huh...?"

"Go... Before the buzz wears off, and this gets... Complicated," Ikumi said softly. Ichigo very slowly nodded, and took the cash. He got dressed and left without another word or look back.

* * *

A week later, Ichigo hadn't gotten a call back from Ikumi's place. Despite the booze, he'd remembered every moment and he'd felt torn between wanting to stay away and wanting to come back. The latter, however, was far more problematic than the former, so Ichigo busied himself trying to provide security to other clients.

It had felt unreal, like it hadn't actually happened. Which is why he felt such a shock when he received a message on his cellphone.

_Meet me at my shop. ~Ikumi_

Curiousity won out over anxiety, and Ichigo found himself standing in front of her shop ten minutes later. He reached out and hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door.

It opened, revealing Ikumi... Wearing a tight blouse that revealed she wore no bra, a short black skirt, and stockings. It was the kind of thing a woman wore to try to look sexy... Though in Ikumi's case, it wasn't trying if it was succeeding.

"Get in here," she said. She turned and walked to the back door towards the living area. Ichigo, a bit weirded out (but enjoying the view) followed her back.

In the living room, Ikumi sat down on the couch and held one leg over the other. She looked up at him with an almost business like expression save for the very faint blush staining her cheeks.

"Been a while since I called you in," she said.

"I was wondering if you would," Ichigo said carefully.

" Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Ikumi said. Ichigo remained silent, despite his jaw falling at her apologizing. It was good he did as Ikumi wasn't done.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think..." She paused only for a moment. "I want to do last week again."

"Ah? But... You were drunk," Ichigo responded automatically. Ikumi nodded slowly.

"It doesn't change the fact that I liked it," she said, still in a very business-like way. "So..." Ikumi pulled fifty thousand yen out of her cleavage, and set it down on the coffee table. Ichigo stared in no small amount of disbelief.

"So..." Ikumi took a deep breath. "I'm not unfair about this... I'll pay you this much for... For you to fuck me for two hours." She locked her eyes on his.

"But I..."

"It... It's fair," she said. "It's perfectly fair. Capitalism. You get what you want, I get what I want."

"But-"

"Kaoru's at school, he won't be home for hours," Ikumi said softly. She licked her lips, and lightly gripped the edge of the couch with her fingers. "So... What's it going to be?"

Ichigo stared for a long moment. Every so often, he'd receive insights into the people he met. Zaraki's philosophy about life, how Byakuya didn't want to kill Rukia, Renji's love for Rukia... Here, he felt like he was getting another.

It was the same insight that led him to sit down on the couch next to her, take her into his arms, and kiss her. She returned the kiss eagerly and wrapped her arms around him.

"Mmmmm..."

* * *

Some time later, Ichigo was staring up at the ceiling, Ikumi held in his arms. The older woman sighed softly and snuggled up against him, a smile on her face. Ichigo had to admit, he kind of liked that smile. His hands slid down over her stomach.

"Hnn..." She whined softly and giggled. "Don't... I-I'm ticklish..."

Ichigo smirked and actively tickled her. Ikumi giggled more, still playfully trying to push his hands away.

"Ahahaha... Hahahah... A-All right, all right...!" She laughed softly, taking his hands and gently but firmly moving them away. Ichigo relented, contenting himself with holding her.

"Mm... Damnit," she sighed as she looked over at the clock. "Kaoru will be here soon. You need to go."

Ichigo slowly nodded, and got up onto his feet. He dressed slowly as Ikumi watched. She smiled at him once he was done, and almost shyly pulled the covers up over her body.

"I would like to do this again," she said. "Next week... Same time?"

Ichigo nodded with a very small smile. "Sure."

He turned and headed out, hearing Ikumi sigh as she fell back onto the bed behind him. He allowed himself to smile a little longer, right out to the street headed for home.

"Kurosaki-san!"

Which he immediately doused when he heard the familiar voice of Urahara. He turned and saw the sandal hat-wearing former captain of Soul Society, smiling as usual and leaning on his cane.

"Hat and Clogs," Ichigo greeted back. "What's going on?"

"I was thinking we could go talk," Urahara said. Ichigo turned to look over his shoulder and saw Yoruichi in human form (and thankfully dressed) staring at him intently. He felt a twitch coming on.

"... Do I have a choice?" Ichigo asked flatly. Urahara smiled and fanned himself.

"Of course you do! It's just a simple conversation. Call it... An offer." His voice became ominous on that last note as he stared at Ichigo from beneath the shadow cast by his hat.

"Kisuke," Yoruichi said flatly. She smacked the back of Urahara's head, and moved back behind Ichigo just as quickly.

"Owowow! All right, all right," Urahara sighed. "Come on, Kurosaki-kun."

_This cannot mean anything good_, Ichigo thought to himself.

* * *

"We know you're sleeping with that Unagiya woman for money," said Yoruichi the moment all three of them were in the Urahara Shop around the proprietor's table.

_I fucking knew it_, Ichigo thought.

"You were spying on me?" Ichigo asked in a flat and angry tone.

"Call it looking out for my student," Yoruichi said with a smile and wink. "You'd be surprised how close an eye I keep on Soi-Fon."

_In Soul Society..._

"Whoever placed the camera in my shower will have two choices," Soi-Fon snarled to the assembled members of Second Division. "Death... Or more death. FIND THEM!"

"YES CAPTAIN!"

_Back in the Living World..._

"We're just a bit concerned Kurosaki-san, that's all," Urahara said. "After all, you're... How to put this politely...?"

"Anally repressed and have severe issues with intimacy," Yoruichi deadpanned. Urahara laughed.

"Yes! Of course!"

"Watch it," Ichigo growled.

"My apologies, Kurosaki-san," Urahara said. "It's just a bit out of character... Unless you and Inoue...?"

"No! No, we didn't! Nothing!" Ichigo said quickly.

"But you thought about it, didn't you?" Yoruichi asked with a teasing smile. Ichigo blushed a bit, and scowled angrily. He then looked down at the table between them.

"Yeah... A lot," he admitted. "But I couldn't do anything... It wouldn't be right."

"So what makes Unagiya different?" Urahara asked politely. Ichigo crossed his arms over his chest and hummed thoughtfully.

"... I guess... I kind of saw that she was lonely... But she wanted to stay lonely enough that she doesn't get hurt again," Ichigo admitted.

"That's a very wise insight, Ichigo," Yoruichi said with a genuine smile. She knit her fingers and set them on the table in front of her. Urahara nodded.

"Yes... In fact, it's something that's been plaguing the whole of Soul Society's women."

"Soul Society's women?" Ichigo asked, a bit confused.

"Yes. You've seen the issues they all have, haven't you?" Yoruichi asked. "Most of them haven't had meaningful romantic relationships in centuries. The war has also taken it's toll." She smiled. "I think that a boy like you could help them a great deal."

"By...?" Ichigo asked. The two older Shinigami stared at him. Ichigo stared back. His eyebrows rose.

"What? Oh no, no!" He held his hands up.

"Come now Kurosaki-san, it's perfect! You're already quite willing to sleep with women for money!" Urahara said cheerfully.

"And you'd get paid... Handsomely," Yoruichi said.

"And consider... By helping the various women of Soul Society with their issues via sex, you might be preventing the rise of another Aizen," Urahara pointed out. Ichigo flushed and scowled.

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, maybe if Aizen had had a healthy relationship with a woman he wouldn't have become a megalomaniac," Urahara suggested. At Ichigo's incredulous look Urahara shrugged. "It's certainly possible."

"What's your angle in all this, Hat and Clogs?" Ichigo asked suspiciously. Urahara smiled.

"Why, to promote the mental health and well being of the women of Soul Society, secure peace... And maybe make some extra money on the side as your He-Madam."

"_He-Madam_?" Ichigo asked incredulously.

"Would you prefer pimp?" Yoruichi asked with a wicked smile. Ichigo scowled.

"That's not funny!"

"But it's technically accurate," Urahara said.

"You don't have to say it!" Ichigo growled.

"Now now, calm down Ichigo, it's just a word," Yoruichi said. "You can call him your _manager_ if you like. I'll make sure he only skims what's due him." She looked at him seriously. "Have I ever broken a promise I made to you?"

Ichigo shook his head. "No..."

"Well then, I promise you'll make as much money as you want, for whatever you want, and you'll get to help Soul Society in the bargain," Yoruichi said. She held out her hand. "So... Deal?"

Ichigo stared at her proffered hand for a bit, before looked back at her. "... I only have two rules. One, I get to see my finances... And two? No guys. _Ever_."

"Spoil my fantasies," Yoruichi pouted playfully. Nevertheless, she nodded and Ichigo shook her hand. Urahara's hand was shaken soon after (after Yoruichi had glared him into submission) and they sat for a few moments in silence. Urahara soon got up with a smile.

"Ah... Kurosaki-san, while you were quite... Proficient with Unagiya-san, I feel there is a great deal I can offer you in instruction in the course of your job."

"Ah... Hat and Clogs, I said no guys," Ichigo reminded him. Urahara shook his head rapidly.

"No no no, you misunderstand Kurosaki-san! I have arranged for you to receive some training from a woman in the arts of love, just to make sure you're quite prepared. Is this satisfactory?"

Ichigo considered it, then slowly nodded. "Sure... I guess. Who is it?"

"Oh... You've already met her," Urahara said with a smile. He opened the door and waved. "Have fun!" He closed the door behind him.

Very slowly, Ichigo turned his attention back to Yoruichi.

A smiling Yoruichi.

A smiling, totally naked Yoruichi.

"Ah... Yoruichi-san..." Ichigo began to scoot back. Cat like, Yoruichi got on top of the table and slinked right up to him. Their noses touched as Yoruichi's dark skin flushed a dark red.

"I watched you bang the lonely single mom for five hours, Ichigo," Yoruichi whispered as her strong fingers gripped his shirt. "I'm pretty sure you've got plenty left." With impressive strength and speed she slammed him back first onto the table.

"Urk!" Ichigo gasped. "B-But Yoruichi-san-!"

"No buts! I trained you to fight Byakuya, so now I'm going to train you to pleasure women," Yoruichi said with a naughty grin. "Trust me though... This is going to be no. Less. Difficult." She then purred as she ripped his shirt and pants off.

"But I'm sure it'll be a hell of a lot more _fun_."

* * *

Outside his shop on the steps, Urahara peacefully drank a cup of tea. Tessai walked up to him and sat down, wincing a bit as a cat-like yowl came through the walls of the shop.

"It is fortunate we sent the children off to play," Tessai noted. "They would think a cat was being tortured to death in there."

"Yes indeed," Urahara said with a wide smile. Tessai raised an eyebrow.

"You seem to be in great spirits, Manager. Why is that?"

"Simple," Urahara said as he sipped his tea. "Mmm... I'm enjoying the freedom a man can only feel... When he's condemned some other poor sucker to his fate."

Tessai raised his other eyebrow. "You realize she might kill the boy."

"Bah. If he could survive Aizen he can survive her," Urahara said. "Besides... Even if he doesn't, he still can't escape her..." He finished his tea with a grin. "And I'm still off the hook."

* * *

_Please review, even if it's just to tell us what a horrible pair of perverts we are._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo**_

By Andrew J. Talon and The EroSennin

Based upon an idea by byakuryuu

**Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Bleach is the property of Noriaki "Tite" Kubo, Shonen Jump, Viz and others. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: I know, it's tough being a regular reader of mine. Hopefully this lemon chapter will improve your spirits.

**WARNING: THIS IS A LEMON CHAPTER WITH SEX BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU BECAUSE I TOTALLY DID.**

_One week later..._

* * *

Urahara waited outside the doors to what had been dubbed (with much giggling on his part) the "Training Room". He sipped a cup of tea, and every so often looked at his watch.

The entire Urahara Shoten shook around him. Ururu eeped as a number of packages fell upon her head, while Jinta huffed and scolded her. Tessai simply brought more tea to Urahara, and took a seat next to him.

"Do you think he's dead?" Tessai asked.

"Nope," Urahara said, calmly sipping his cup.

"Do you know that for sure?"

"Not until I get the film out of there, no," Urahara said. "But I've learned to never bet against Kurosaki-san."

A final rumble shook through the house, and the doors opened. Urahara smirked, but was graceful enough to hide it behind his fan as Tessai shook his head. Ururu and Jinta stopped their bickering and looked as well.

Out of the dark room emerged... Ichigo, looking disheveled, exhausted, and sporting a black eye... But alive.

"She's... Asleep," he got out gruffly. He walked over to a nearby couch, and collapsed on top of it face first. Urahara looked to Jinta and Ururu. The former was gaping in total disbelief, while Ururu's eternal blush was even deeper.

"Well! Come on! Get him some water and food! He needs it!" Urahara ordered in a disbelieving tone. The two constructs ran off quickly, though Jinta's laughter and Ururu's giggles carried through the open door. Urahara shook his head and looked over to Ichigo.

"Such rude children, honestly," Urahara said with a sigh. "Your sisters are much better behaved, Kurosaki-san... Kurosaki-san?"

"Zzzzzz..." Ichigo replied. Urahara checked his watch and chuckled.

"One week... And he outlasts her by... Ten minutes." Urahara shook his head. "You are a monster, aren't you Kurosaki? But if you can survive her..." He grinned.

"The rest will be a piece of cake! Ku ku ku ku!"

"Manager, you're doing the evil laugh again."

"I prefer the term 'maniacal', thank you..." Urahara hummed thoughtfully as he looked through the applications he had received. Discrete advertizement of his services was incredibly simple for a genius of his caliber, and he'd already gotten several.

"Hmm... No, no, no... Aha! Yes!" Urahara smiled and pulled out one application in particular. "This will do nicely."

"But manager," Tessai interjected, "isn't that a little too much, too fast?"

"If she's applying for it, then no, not on her end," Urahara said sagely. "Besides... I think we can both agree I owe her, badly."

Tessai slowly nodded. "That we can agree on Manager."

* * *

It was kind of messed up, when Ichigo first thought about it. Dress up like a dead man... Well, _dead_ dead man, who looked like him, who Rukia had been in love with and had to kill.

For his _first job,_ no less. Urahara wasn't pulling any punches, but he could see the logic: If he could handle this then he could handle any other emotional aspects of the job... Right?

Frankly, Ichigo was surprised Rukia was going for this. _You think you know some people..._

Standing here with his hair colored dark blue, vice-captain's badge tied to his bicep, he looked up as the door to the hotel in one of the nicer districts of Rukongai. Rukia stepped in, slowly entering, like a rabbit nervously looking around for predators. The typical haughtiness or seriousness in her gaze was gone when their eyes met. She just stared at him, so vulnerable and meek that it... It didn't seem real.

She closed the door behind her, and pressed her back against it for a moment. She steadied herself, and took a step forward. She stood at attention.

"V-Vice-Captain Shiba," she said quietly. Ichigo nodded at her, and took a deep breath, getting into character. He gave her a stern look.

"Kuchiki... You know why you're here, don't you?" Ichigo asked flatly. Rukia nodded.

"Y-Yes... I... I'm here to... To be..."

"To what, Kuchiki?" Ichigo asked sharply. Rukia shivered, and licked her lips. She was scared, Ichigo saw. Scared but... Excited.

"To be punished, V-Vice-Captain," she spoke. Ichigo did find enjoyment in his work, some genuine enjoyment, and despite his attempts to stay emotionally disconnected, well... It was Rukia. And this was hard for her. Something she both wanted, but... She was afraid to have. Something she didn't think she deserved.

Hence the punishment.

Ichigo sat down on the bed, and patted his lap.

"Kuchiki... Come here."

Trembling in a mixture of both lust and anxiety, Rukia slowly made her way to Ichigo. She looked away from his gaze, but Ichigo reached out to take her chin, almost gently, into his hand. She stared at him, eyes glistening.

"Kuchiki... Rukia..." He sighed and gave her an open, compassionate look, breaking character just long enough to say his piece.

"Trust me. It's okay."

Rukia closed her eyes, and slowly nodded. Ichigo squashed the urge to smile, and cleared his throat. Rukia opened her eyes again, and once more averted them.

"Vice-Captain... I... I'm afraid I don't understand," Rukia spoke quietly. Ichigo scowled, once again back into character.

"I think you understand very well, Kuchiki," he growled. "Over my lap. Now."

"B-But-!" Rukia tried, but at Ichigo's scowl deepening, she nodded meekly and laid down onto his lap. Ichigo reached for her hakama and yanked them down, making Rukia gasp in surprise.

"V-Vice-Captain!" She squeaked, and yelped as Ichigo's hand gripped her ass.

"This is your punishment, Kuchiki," Ichigo growled. "Count off every time I spank you."

"B-But sir, I-!" SMACK! Ichigo couldn't help a small smirk at the yelp/moan Rukia gave off at that.

"What number was that, Kuchiki?"

"Uh, ah... O-One, sir," Rukia said, blushing to the roots of her hair. Ichigo nodded, and spanked her again.

"AAH! T-Two!"

_SMACK!_

"Th-Th-THREE!"

_SMACK!_

"F-FOUR!"

Ichigo grimaced as Rukia squirmed all over his lap. Not that it was unpleasant, just the opposite: but it was definitely distracting. Still, he tried to imagine what she'd feel if he _wasn't_ hard, and decided to just shelve it and continue.

_SMACK!_

"FIVEEEE!"

_SMACK!_

"S-SIX!"

_SMACK!_

"S-S-SEVEN! UNGH!"

The very obvious smell of an aroused woman reached Ichigo's nose, and he didn't fight the small smirk on his face at that.

_SMACK!_

"EEEEIGHT!" Rukia shrieked, panting hard underneath him.

_SMACK!_

"N-N-NIIINE!"

_SMACK!_

"T-TEENNNNN!" Rukia screamed, and Ichigo felt a warm liquid squirt out onto his knee. Rukia panted and sighed softly. Ichigo twitched-It was one of the sexiest sounds he'd ever heard.

"V-Vice-Captain," Rukia moaned. Ichigo shook his head and got back into character.

"Well, Kuchiki... Do you think you've been punished sufficiently for what you've done?" Ichigo asked. Rukia moaned and shook her head.

"No, Ichi-, Um, Vice-Captain... Please... Punish me more..."

"Naughty Kuchiki... You like being punished, don't you?" Ichigo asked, pushing his knee up against Rukia's crotch. She shivered and moaned.

"Y-Yes, Vice-Captain... Please... More..."

"All right Kuchiki... Just so you know..." Ichigo bit his lower lip, but pressed on. "I forgive you."

Rukia froze, and slowly looked up at him. Her hair was tousled, her eyes red, her lips swollen from licking them with her tongue, which even now slowly, erotically, ventured out of her mouth to smooth over her lips.

She looked utterly fuckable.

"You... You do, Vice-Captain...?" Rukia whispered. Ichigo nodded, and ran his hand over the top of her head affectionately.

"I do..." He smirked slightly. "And since I do... I'm going to punish you as long as you want me to. How does that sound, Kuchiki...?"

Rukia trembled, licking her lips again. She pushed her hips up, presenting her ass to him with a low moan.

"God... Yes, Vice-Captain... Yes..."

_SMACK!_

"YES! YES! YESSS!" Screamed Rukia, now not-so-dry humping Ichigo's leg. His hakama was getting wet, but Ichigo couldn't care less. Every swat onto her firm, tight ass seemed to go right down to his cock as Rukia squirmed and rubbed against him, poking up into her stomach.

"ICHIGOOOOOO!" Rukia rubbed herself furiously against Ichigo's knee, timing her movements with his smacks. She gasped loudly and panted like a dog, violet eyes filling with tears even as she begged for more.

"HARDER! HARDERRR! I-ICHIGOOOO!"

Her next shriek made Ichigo wince, but the pain in his ears was ignored in favor of how Rukia squirted all over his leg. Her back arched and her head was thrown back to release her second scream upwards, even as she squirted all over his knee a second time. She slumped down on his lap, moaning softly. She sighed as he ran a soothing hand over her bright red ass cheeks, shivering.

"Ohhh... V-Vice-Captain... Please..." Rukia moaned. "Please..."

"Please what, Kuchiki?" Ichigo asked, squeezing one of her firm globes. Rukia whimpered and rubbed herself against his knee again.

"I... I need you to... To..."

"What, Kuchiki?" Ichigo growled. "Are you forgetting who is in charge here?"

Rukia pouted up at him ever so slightly, and sniffled. Ichigo was pretty sure it wasn't entirely faked.

"Vice-Captain... I'm... I'm a bad girl..." She moaned, wiggling her stomach against his cock. Ichigo bit back a moan.

"You're punishing me... As... As much as I like, aren't you?" She asked. Ichigo nodded.

"Yes... But you don't get to choose the punishment, do you Kuchiki?"

Rukia kept wiggling, to the point Ichigo held her tightly down against his legs to stop her. He looked directly into her eyes with his most intense gaze.

"Please, Vice-Captain," Rukia moaned. "I-I need you... I'm _begging_ you," she cooned. She bit her lower lip, an action that make Ichigo's cock twitch, hard.

"Please fuck me..."

Ichigo couldn't help but be a little surprised. Rukia wasn't prone to swearing. But, just like in those fantasies of his regarding her before his job, it was ungodly hot.

Ichigo pushed Rukia onto the floor, letting her fall with a pathetic "oomph!" She looked up and whimpered, but Ichigo was able to get back into character and under control.

"Kuchiki. What did you just say?" He asked in a stern voice. Rukia shakily got up onto her hands and knees and pushed her head in between his legs, breathing softly as she pressed her face against his crotch.

"Fuck me, Vice-Captain..."

Ichigo reached down and pulled off Rukia's top, leaving her completely naked. She moaned pathetically and looked back up at him.

He smirked. "I didn't hear that, Kuchiki... Fuck what?"

"Fuck _me~_," Rukia moaned, rubbing her chin against his rock hard member. Ichigo stood up and took Rukia up with him, holding her by her waist. He carelessly tossed her onto the bed. She whimpered again and spread her legs as she locked her eyes with him.

"Fuck what, Kuchiki?" Ichigo asked again, slowly divesting himself of his own clothing. Rukia licked her red, swollen lips and held his gaze.

"Fuck my bad pussy, sir," she moaned. Ichigo got down onto the bed over her, hands on either side of her shoulders. He was struck by how small she seemed underneath him, how vulnerable. Only practice with Yoruichi kept him from losing all control and fucking the woman who turned him into a shinigami senseless.

"Your bad pussy, Kuchiki?" Ichigo asked with a sexy smirk. Rukia moaned again and pushed her hips up longingly. Ichigo's smirk grew.

"Beg me."

Rukia licked her lips again and shivered.

"I'm begging you, Vice-Captain... F-Fuck me. Fuck my bad pussy... _Please~..."_

Ichigo let her stew just a few seconds longer, before he spread his legs, putting his feet onto the floor. Gripping Rukia's hips, he moved her into the position and, without preamble, sunk deeply inside of her.

"Ooohhh..." He groaned.

"Aaauuunnngghhhh!" Rukia cried out, pale arms and legs reaching around to hold him, pull him in deeper.

God she's so tight... He was able to think distantly through the almost paralyzing warmth and wetness surrounding his cock. He kept pushing and pushing in, enjoying every twitch and squeeze and whimper Rukia made. His cock head pushed against what Ichigo knew was her cervix, and the small girl's resulting squeal confirmed it.

"Fuck... Kuchiki," he murmured. He gasped when she wiggled her hips slightly, and he pushed against the entrance to her womb harder. Rukia threw her head back, eyes wide.

"NNNNGHH! HAAAA! HAAA!" She cried out, gasping for breath as Ichigo began to pump into her. Ichigo's own grunts and gasps were barely softer, and he decided to shut them both up with a deep kiss, something Rukia passionately returned.

After only a few thrusts, Rukia screamed into his mouth and squirted all over his lower stomach, her arousal so high and Ichigo's member so big, so filling, she couldn't control herself. Ichigo groaned back as he experienced his own climax, shooting several large, hot spurts of seed directly into her womb. Rukia panted for breath as they broke their kiss.

"Oh G-God... I'm so... Full," she managed between breaths. Ichigo nodded and pulled out, making Rukia shiver and groan. Her small, soft hands reached down and grasped his member, and Ichigo moaned as she began jerking him off furiously.

"Ohhh... Kuchiki," he managed quietly. Rukia leaned up and kissed him again.

"Mmm... I want to be filled up," she whispered. "I'm begging you, Ichigo, fill me up... Please..."

The desperate longing look she gave him, combined with her soft hands made Ichigo's recovery short, and a minute later he slammed back inside of her, Rukia's screams of his name, his real name, getting louder and louder with every thrust.

"ICHIIIGGOOO! ICHIGOOOO! ICHIIIGOOOOO!" She shrieked, her pussy clenching tightly around him. Ichigo gasped and was unable to pull out, Rukia's internal muscles milking his cock for another flood of his hot seed to fill her.

Ichigo wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She groaned as he enveloped her, feeling so small and helpless, yet warm and comforted against his body.

"Haaa... Haaaa... Haaaa..." Rukia panted. Ichigo pushed himself up off her, gazed down into her darkened eyes. She licked her lips and pushed herself up against him.

"M-More... Please..."

Ichigo just smiled... Just a little, and obliged.

They did this for the next two hours (it was a special, so he'd cleared his schedule), the exhausted Rukia ending their last session by curling up against him and snuggling his chest, purring like a sated cat. Ichigo held her tightly against him, eyes partially closed.

"Mmm... I-Ichigo...?"

"Hmm?" Ichigo asked tiredly. Rukia smiled up at him.

"Thank you..."

Ichigo sighed, and rubbed her head. "It's... All part of the service..."

"Even so..."

Ichigo snorted, but his eyes softened ever so slightly when he looked at her.

"You're welcome."

She mewled softly, a hand going down over the area of her womb. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of being filled with his cum, so much so it was still drooling out of her pussy lips and asshole. He'd taken all of her holes, including her mouth, over and over again...

_... I want to have your children, Ichigo._

Rukia's eyes opened, and she blushed hard. Ichigo, noticing this, frowned.

"You okay...?"

"..." She looked up at him for a long moment, before she softly smiled and nuzzled his chest again.

"I'm wonderful, Ichigo... Just wonderful..."

She was so glad she hadn't said that out loud...

* * *

Later, Rukia found couldn't focus. The paperwork on the desk in front of her seemed a million miles away, as Rukia sat in the Thirteenth Division HQ. Her chin rested on her hand as she stared out into space, cheeks warm.

_I can't get it out of my mind..._

At first it had been a fantasy about Kaein, brought back to life. A means of finally putting the demons of her past to rest. Ichigo was doing his job, and truth be told Rukia wouldn't have trusted anyone else to do this for her. He was Ichigo. He'd keep her secret.

The fact he looked almost exactly like Kaein made the deal complete. She gets spanked, she has some sex, it's done. She's free.

But something changed. It was no longer Kaein commanding her, dominating her, fucking her so expertly. It was Ichigo, Ichigo with dark hair and warm, powerful, forgiving eyes...

She felt herself grow wet just at the memory of it, and she shivered.

_Rukia had never taken a man into her mouth before. Hell, she'd never actually had a man before. She'd read about sex, experimented a little with a few guys who had been sworn to secrecy (never Renji though. That would be like having sex with a sibling, and the guy was kind of a spazz anyway), but she'd never gone all the way._

_Now, mere moments after Ichigo had relieved her of her virginity (no hymen from her training), she was eagerly, wantonly sucking on his cock, her tongue swirling around his tip. Ichigo groaned above her, a single large hand on her head._

_"Ohhh... That's good Rukia, ungh... That's good... Take it deeper..."_

_Her face red at his compliments, Rukia pushed herself to take more of his cock into her mouth, gagging a bit when his head hit the back of her throat. She withdrew slightly, her small hands going up to his balls and the lower part of his shaft, rubbing and squeezing. Ichigo shivered and lightly gripped her hair._

_"Fuck, Rukia... Back and forth, haaa..."_

_Rukia followed his instructions, bobbing her head back and forth along his member, breathing softly through her nose. One hand stroked the part of his shaft she couldn't take into her mouth, her small fist pumping up and down in time with her bobs. Her other hand lifted his balls, testing their weight, squeezing them playfully, which made Ichigo shudder._

_"Rukia, haaaa... G-Good... You're such a good little cocksucker," he moaned. Rukia's face burned brighter, and she sped up her blowjob, closing her eyes and humming quietly._

_"I'm going to, hnnngh...!"_

_That was all the warning she got, before a flood his hot seed blasted into her mouth. Rukia's eyes widened in shock as she gagged, struggling to swallow the large volume. A fair amount of it came out of her lips as she coughed, the hand formally fondling Ichigo's balls going up to her mouth. She pulled off Ichigo's cock with a gasp, feeling the semen drooling down her chin, smelling and tasting it..._

_"Rukia? Is there a problem?" Ichigo asked flatly, still in character. Rukia caught her breath, extending her tongue out to taste his seed._

It... It tastes like him..._ It reminded her of Ichigo's room, of how he would smell when she was close to him. Clean yet strong, and unmistakably _male_._

_She shivered and reached down to her drooling sex, looking up pleadingly into Ichigo's eyes._

_"P-Please... Vice-Captain... I'm so hot from that... I..."_

_Ichigo smirked a little. "Clean up your face, Rukia... And then I'll take you again. That's your punishment."_

_She never thought she'd licked anything off her face so quickly before._

"Rukia? Rukiaaaa! Hey, Rukia!"

"Hwa?" Rukia asked, shaken out of her reminiscing. She looked over at Kotetsu Kiyone, who was giving her a worried look.

"Ah, y-yes?"

Kiyone took in her appearance. The red face, the dreamy look, the slight hint of arousal in the air... And grinned.

"So... Enjoyed your time with Kurosaki, mm?"

"... Yes... Yes I did," she said quietly. Rukia shivered and Kiyone chuckled.

"I've heard about how he is, but... Tell me. Is he... Is he really that good?"

"Better, Kiyone," Rukia said, looking her right in the eyes. "Better... I... I wanted..."

"Yesss?" Kiyone prompted eagerly. Rukia blushed.

"I wanted to... To ask him if I could have... Have his children at the end," she admitted quietly. Kiyone blushed back.

"... Do... Do you think he could dress up as... As the captain?" Kiyone asked quietly. Rukia felt a pang in her heart at this, but slowly nodded.

"He... He was dressed up as, um..."

"It's okay Rukia... I understand," Kiyone said with a gentle smile. "I'm just glad you faced it in a good way, and can move on."

"Move on...?"

"You wouldn't be wanting to have Kaein's babies, would you?" Kiyone asked. Rukia thought about it... And slowly shook her head.

"No... I guess not..."

A sly look appeared on Kiyone's face. "But I'm sure you wouldn't mind having Ichigo's babies."

"Hmph!" Rukia snorted, but she didn't say no.

* * *

_Home for the holidays..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo**

By Andrew J. Talon and The EroSennin

_Based upon an idea by byakuryuu_

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Bleach is the property of Noriaki "Tite" Kubo, Shonen Jump, Viz and others. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: This chapter partially written by kinoth and Lumias over at The Fanfiction Forum. The rest was written by me.

* * *

Ichigo's job wasn't easy, but he found himself settling into a bit of a routine, at least with some of his clients. Yoruichi in particular had become his best customer, though as he got better at it he was able to satisfy her within a few hours.

It was satisfying in more ways than one to put her down faster and faster. Not too fast, of course-Quality of service and all that.

Rukia was apparently saving up for a special, while Nanao and Matsumoto had both become very regular customers... As had Unohana. But the biggest surprise to date came when he entered the small hotel once more and beheld his latest customer.

"Hinamori!"

The tiny figure of the 5th division's fukutaicho hunched down even smaller. "Um, hi Kurosaki-kun. I... well..."

The orange-haired sometimes-shinigami waved his hand dismissively. "Nah, don't mind me, I just didn't expect you." Squatting down on his haunches, he did his best to meet the girl's eyes. "Now, nothing you say or do leaves the room, and whatever you want, you get. There's no reason for you to be nervous."

Hinamori stared at him in utter silence for a moment before pulling clothes out from behind her back. The white capain's haori, brown wig, and glasses trembled slightly as the small shinagami refused to meet his eyes.

"Hey," Ichigo called softly, "You sure about this?" At the vehement nod of her head, he could only shrug and go change.

After emerging from the restroom, Ichigo-as-Aizen adjusted his glasses slightly and padded over to sit in front of the girl. "You wished to speak with me, fukutaicho?"

The slight girl looked up at him with bright, watery eyes as she slowly removed the cloth covering of her hair bun. "Aizen-taicho, you..." Her shaking hands parted the front of her robes and slid them down her smooth shoulders to reveal... a leather bustier?

Like magic, a riding crop appeared in her hand as she stood and loomed over him despite her lack of height. "Alright you bastard, it's time to put your mouth to a better use than telling me lies. Get over here!"

"Yes, Hinamo-ahh!" 'Aizen' yelled as the crop struck his shoulder.

"That's 'Mistress Momo' to you!"

"Yes... Mistress."

* * *

Rolling his shoulders to get rid of the ache, Ichigo made his way to the lobby of the Inn he had met Momo at. As soon as he walked in he stopped and gawked at the figure sitting in one of the chairs spread throughout the room before shaking off his daze and stalking over.

"What in the hell are you wearing, you idiot!"

The white-haired captain of the 10th division looked up from some paperwork and gave him a flat stare. The small, white-haired shinigami wore a white fur coat, white pants, white boots, and a dark pair of sunglasses pushed up on his forehead. "Is there a problem?"

Ichigo pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to decide whether to break up laughing or start screaming. "You talked to Clogs, didn't you?"

"How did you know?"

Stifling a snort, Ichigo slumped bonelessly into a nearby seat. "Did it not occur to you that taking fashion advice from a guy that wears a matching striped coat and hat might not be a good idea? You look like a furry marshmellow."

Hitsugaya opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before standing and tossing a bundle onto Ichigo's lap.

"Shut up, Kurosaki, you have another appointment to keep. It's always a bad idea to keep Unohana-taicho waiting." the short captain shot back, walking out with as much dignity as he could muster.

* * *

Ichigo had changed into a new set of clothes right as he made his way into the Captain's quarters of the 4th division. Studiously ignoring Isane starting her video camera, he walked over to stand slightly behind the kneeling form of Unohana, noting that as the light hit the sundress she wore it turned nearly transparent.

"Hey, uh, Mom?"

"Welcome home, son," the busty shinigami murmured softly, turning to give him a smile. "How was practice?"

Ichigo scuffed his foot against the tatami mats and looked off to the side. "Well, it got a little... rough." He turned back to find her already on her feet in front of him, reaching for his soccer jersey.

"I told you to be more careful, Ichigo-kun!" she scolded him lightly, stripping his shirt off with no fanfare. Spinning him around, the healer-as-mother ran soft hands across the welts that Hinamori had left no more than an hour earlier. "Did you get hurt anywhere else, son?"

Turning back around, the orange-haired boy gave his best puppy-dog look. "Well, my jaw hurts a little bit-" he ignored the knowing twinkle in the woman's eyes and tried to force himself to blush, "-but, well I got kicked, well, you know."

Unohana knelt before him and ever-so-slowly slid his shorts down. "Oh, son," she murmured. "You certainly are hurt. Don't worry though, I know just the thing to help the swelling..."

While a little disturbing in some ways, frankly, Ichigo enjoyed his sessions with Unohana most of all.

Especially when Isane joined in...

* * *

Ichigo walked into his next appointment and found Zaraki waiting for him outside the door to a hotel room. He blinked.

"Uh, look I know it' says I'll do anything, but I only work with female clients. So I'm sorry for any misunderstandings, but-"

"Shut up you idiot, the appointment isn't for me," Zaraki snapped. The Eleventh Division captain looked uncharacteristically serious, and Ichigo felt his anxiety level sky rocket.

"I need you to do something for... Yachiru," Kenpachi said after a long pause. Ichigo's jaw dropped, and he felt the urge to bolt as he often did around the fight mad captain.

"Pardon?" He squeaked.

"You heard me," Kenpachi said flatly. "She's been bugging me constantly about it, ever since you started up this damn business and she wants in on it."

"But-She looks-You can't be serious she's-!"

"She's small, yeah," Kenpachi said. "But here's the thing. She wants it, and anything she wants I'll get for her... And she wants you." He then grinned. "And I'll get you for her, even if I have to break your goddamned legs." He lifted his sword with a deadly grin and his reiatsu, already monstrous, began to flare. "Which, come to think of it, might be more fun for me. So, how about we just-"

"I'm going in," Ichigo said grimly. Zaraki huffed and shook his head.

"Spoilsport..."

Zaraki held open the door and gestured Ichigo in. The orange-haired substitute shinigami sighed, and slowly walked inside. The door closed, and he looked to see Yachiru in the nearby bed. He sat down on the bed, staring at his hands.

_... I am so going to Hell for this, I just know it..._

He timidly reached out a hand and lightly touched Yachiru's shoulder, all too aware of what the diminutive lieutenant might do if he surprised her from sleep. Not from first-hand experience, of course, but Ikkaku had complained about waking Yachiru up from her naps and getting thrown through a few walls.

"Hey, Yachiru? Yachiru..."

The pink-haired lieutenant yawned and stretched cutely, making Ichigo shudder again. Oh God this is so wrong...!

She smiled cheerfully up at Ichigo.

"Hello Ichi-chan! Are you here to sex me up?"

"..." Ichigo twitched. Yachiru sighed and reached out a hand, patting the top of his.

"Kind of awkward, huh? Since I'm so small..."

"You have _no_ idea," Ichigo mumbled. Yachiru hummed thoughtfully, and then smiled brightly.

"If I was bigger, would Ichi-chan be able to perform?"

"I... Yes. Yes I would," Ichigo said in a dead tone. Ichigo's eyes widened as a puff of smoke filled the room. He coughed and waved his hand in front of his face, but it soon cleared. Ichigo blinked back tears as his vision was restored...

And then he blinked. Several times.

"What the...?"

A much older, much _bustier_, _very naked_ Yachiru was sitting in the bed, smiling happily.

"But-! You-!"

"Oh, I just like being little!" Yachiru said cheerfully. "It lets me freak people out, and get free candy, and get away with all sorts of stuff...!" She scowled and indicated her boobs, which, Ichigo noted, were definitely some of the firmest and bounciest he'd seen.

_So that's where all that sugar went..._

"These things are annoying! So big and bouncy... It's hard to fight with them," she sighed. She then smirked. "But~... They're good for... Other things, too. Huh, Ichi-chan?"

"Uh, er, um..." Ichigo tried. Yachiru's smirk became a predatory grin, as though she was about to engage in the best fight of her life.

"So, Ichi-chan... Ready to earn some money, mm?"

* * *

Much later, after a lot of screaming, banging, shaking and massive flares of reiatsu, a very rumpled, exhausted looking Ichigo walked three steps out of the door, and fell flat on his face. Yachiru hopped out, back to her usual size, smiling happily. Kenpachi looked Ichigo over, and then looked at Yachiru.

"Have fun?" He asked.

"Mm! Ichi-chan was great! I wanna do it again soon!"

Ichigo groaned against the hardwood floor at this.

* * *

_Just consider this a little montage before we get to the next lemon._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo**_

By Andrew J. Talon and The EroSennin

Based upon an idea by byakuryuu

**Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Bleach is the property of Noriaki "Tite" Kubo, Shonen Jump, Viz and others. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: I know, it's tough being a regular reader of mine. Hopefully this lemon chapter will improve your spirits.

**WARNING: THIS IS A LEMON CHAPTER WITH SEX BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU BECAUSE I TOTALLY DID.**

* * *

Ichigo wasn't entirely sure what to make of Inoue, of all people, hiring him. He wasn't even aware she knew about his job. He hadn't actively discouraged knowledge of it, but he hadn't exactly advertised it in the Real World, either. He had the distinct impression Tatsuki might beat the shit out of him if he did.

He didn't want to think about what his father might do. _Hell_ no.

So, Ichigo walked up to Orihime's apartment, in Bankai form as Orihime's note had asked him to be, completely invisible to the mundane eye. He knocked on the door, and at a soft "come in", he entered. He stopped short on the threshold at the sight that greeted him.

Orihime was standing in the center of the room, which had been painted white and left with only the most basic of furniture. Orihime herself was dressed in the clothing she'd been given in Los Noches, contrasting sharply with her bright orange hair.

She was looking out the window, and slowly turned to the door, a heartbreakingly sad look on her face. Then her eyes rested on him. She seemed to realize who he was, and she smiled, seemingly brightening the whole room up. Ichigo blinked, jaw dropping.

Seductive women, he could handle. But this... This was...

"Kurosaki-kun... You... You came!" She said happily. Ichigo stepped in and shut the door behind him.

"Inoue... What...?"

"You came to save me," Orihime continued, moving forward and hugging him tightly. Her shoulders were shaking, and she sniffled, nuzzling his chest so warmly Ichigo blushed.

"Inoue, what's all this? What's-?"

"Shh," Orihime whispered, looking up at Ichigo with a small pout. "Don't break the fourth wall, Kurosaki-kun!"

Ichigo blinked at Orihime, and then took a deep breath.

_It's just a job,_ he reminded himself. _Just get into character. It should be easy for you-After all... You're playing you._

Which was, well... More than a little... Weird? Not disturbing, not unpleasant but...

_Mind on the task, Kurosaki..._

"Of course I did," Ichigo said, shaking his head and lightly holding Orihime against him. "You didn't think I'd leave you, did you?"

"Never," Orihime said, smiling brightly up at him. "I n-never gave up hope... That's what I... I love about you, Kurosaki-kun."

"Um..." Ichigo tried as Orihime began to run her hands over his back. "Inoue..."

"Kurosaki-kun... Ulqiorra, he..." She looked away from him. Ichigo felt a burst of rage fill his heart, and he gently but firmly took Orihime's chin in his hand and moved her head to look at him.

"What? What did he do?" Any mention of that bastard still made Ichigo angry and confused.

She looked up at him forlornly. "Kurosaki-kun, he... When he brought me here... He told me... Told me I belonged to them. To Aizen, to the Espada... My powers, my soul... M-My body..."

Ichigo's eyes widened. N_o... She couldn't... They couldn't have...!_ At once his mind began to work furiously. Inoue was always so kind, so quiet, that if any of the Espada had tried something with her... Was she using this session to express what she couldn't in real life out of shame?

_Just like with Rukia..._

"Kurosaki-kun, please," Inoue broke into his thoughts, her hand gently resting on the side of his face. His attention returned to her, and his eyes softened at the lonely look on her face.

"Kurosaki-kun... I... I don't want my body to be owned by them anymore..."

"It isn't," Ichigo growled. "It never was. The bastards don't have any right. They're not worthy of owning any part of you." Those were Ichigo's honest feelings on the matter, period. Inoue smiled up at him, and her eyes glistened. Ichigo briefly reflected that Orihime would make for one hell of an actress.

"No... But you are."

Ichigo stared at her. "Huh?"

"You... Kurosaki-kun has fought so hard... Nearly died, so many times, all just for me..." She sniffled a bit. "I... I don't think I could ever repay you."

"You don't have to-" Ichigo tried, but Inoue cut him off.

"But I _do_, Kurosaki-kun. It's something you deserve... Something I want you to have. You're the only one... The only one I would ever want to own me. Own my soul and body." She bowed her head and rested her brow against his chest.

"So please, Kurosaki-kun... Please... Claim me. Make me your own..."

"I-Inoue," Ichigo murmured, his free hand coming up to rest on the top of her head comfortingly.

"Orihime."

Ichigo blinked. Orihime looked up at him, eyes resolute, even as her hands shook running over his back.

"What?"

"Please, Kurosaki-kun... C-Call me Orihime," she spoke quietly, seriously. "Please... I... I want to hear you say my name. I want you to call me by it."

"... Orihime," he murmured thoughtfully, as though tasting the word. Orihime shivered and breathed hard.

"S-Say it again... Please..."

"_Orihime_," he said, tilting her chin up and bending down to kiss her. She moaned quietly against his lips and shivered as his arms encircled her waist.

"Haa... A-Again, ohhh," Orihime sighed as Ichigo led her over to the futon and laid her down upon it. He locked eyes with her.

"Orihime..."

"Ohhhh... K-Kurosaki, haaaa..."

His hands immediately went for her breasts, massaging them through her top. They were warm and firm, and clearly incredibly sensitive with how she tensed and moaned. Brushing his thumbs over her nipples yielded a low, sexy sigh, and Ichigo immediately repeated the motion.

"Oh… Ohhhhh…"

They hardened, poking out through her dress. Ichigo lowered his lips and kissed them, amazed at how thin the fabric really was.

Orihime gasped as Ichigo pulled open her top jacket, lips going to her throat and covering it in light, teasing kisses.

"Kurosakiii…" She licked her lips and released a sexy sigh. Ichigo kissed up to her chin, and the gently brushed his lips over hers.

"Mmm…" She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue against his lips, urging them open. Ichigo responded in kind, and pushed his tongue into her mouth. His tongue traced her teeth and gums, his hands continuing to fondle and massage her large breasts.

"Hnn… Mmngh…" Orihime's hands weren't idle. Energetically, they ran over his chest, back and sides, enjoying the warmth and firmness she felt through the relatively thin coat. It seemed just as alive as Ichigo, that same feel of his reiatsu-Burning like a fire she could not help but be drawn to.

Orihime felt up to the back of his head, and cooed as her fingers went through his hair, a longtime fantasy fulfilled as she played and wondered at his bright orange locks. Ichigo's kiss deepened, applying suction to bring Orihime's tongue into his mouth. With a gentle nuzzle against her nose, his teeth nibbled on the tip of her tongue. It all felt wonderful, even this small gesture, but her breasts and the things he was doing to them ate up most of Orihime's attention.

"Hnnnnghhh…"

They continued making out as Ichigo played with her breasts, sometimes with Ichigo in dominance, more rarely with Orihime, who explored his mouth and lips thoroughly with her own. Ichigo's tongue traced all over her red, pouting lips a final time before he pulled away. Orihime was confused only for a second, resolved when she saw Ichigo pull off his coat, revealing his bare chest. She then felt Ichigo's hands on her dress. He tugged it down, and she sucked in a deep breath upon the exposure of her breasts to his eyes.

Orihime's cheeks flushed even more deeply as his hands touched them. She sucked in a deep breath and let it out as a low moan.

"Ohhh…"

Even one layer of clothing gone between them made all the difference, the fire inside her belly now scorching. She trembled and arched her back, pressing her breasts harder against his hands.

"Ahhhnn… K-Kurosaki…" She murmured. Ichigo muffled her cries with another deep kiss. Breaking it, his mouth kissed down her throat, over her collar bone, and set down the trail between her breasts, which he held apart.

"Haaa… Auuu, K-Kurosaki… Please, s-suckle me," she gasped. Ichigo nodded, and with practiced ease took one of her nipples into his mouth. He applied a warm, wet suction to her teat, making her moan again.

"Ahhhnn… K-Kurosaki…" Orihime's hands went to his hair again, a warm smile on her face as she toyed with his locks. They were an endless source of fascination to her, how messy and spiky they were.

Ichigo increased the suction on Orihime's breast, and squeezed both of them. A strange taste made itself aware on his tongue, and his eyes glanced over to her other breast. His eyes widened.

"Hm?" He let go of her nipple and studied both of them. "Orihime…?"

Orihime blushed furiously. "Ah, um… W-When I'm… Um… Excited, I uh..."

"Lactate," he murmured, squeezing her breasts lightly again to see the milk bead on her nipples.

"Y-Yes… Ah… Oh! Ohhhh…" He'd gone back to suckling, with even more enthusiasm than before. Orihime moaned happily and pushed her chest up higher, wanting him to take as much of her milk as he could. The feeling of his lips and teeth coaxing her nipples made her already wet panties soaked, her scent filling the air.

"Ahhhnn… Ahhh… H-Harder, yes, th-theooohhhhh…" Orihime's eyes rolled back into her head and she moaned low as a small orgasm went off inside her. She took deep breaths, exhaled as moans as Ichigo continued to pleasure her. The hand that wasn't occupied with tenderly groping her breasts was moving all over her, caressing, pinching and rubbing every inch of her bare skin he could reach.

"K-Kurosakiii… Ahhnnn…" She jerked her hips up, and Ichigo stopped. He leaned back a little, and moved his hands to her pants. Trembling at the feel of his hands on her hips, Orihime nevertheless managed to lift her bottom up in order to allow Ichigo to pull her pants and boots off. These discarded, Ichigo once more appraised her, brown eyes taking in her toned legs, cute bellybutton, round hips, and soaked cotton white panties.

He slid down onto his stomach, his face mere centimeters from her warm mound. His breath washing over her made Orihime croon.

"Oooh…"

"You're so wet," he murmured, his fingertips gently running up her thighs. His lip quirked slightly at the ties on the sides of her panties, but decided to tease her a little more first. He was insanely hard at this point, every little noise, touch and smell of Orihime arousing him like almost no one else had, but this was her special, and he owed it to make her feel as good as she could.

"Ahhhnnn…" Orihime whined as Ichigo's tongue went over her soaked panties. She pouted.

"K-Kurosaki, haaa…"

"Mmm?" Ichigo murmured.

"D-Don't tease me… Please," she whispered. Her expression grew serious, while still remaining sexy.

"I… I want you to make me yours… Please…" Orihime murmured.

Ichigo's eyes seemed to darken, just a little, and he smirked back at her, looking every bit the predator. The look alone seemed to make Orihime orgasm, causing her to tremble.

"Mine?" He asked. His finger traced over her mound through the drenched cloth of her panties, making her moan.

"Y-Yours…"

"… Call me _King_," Ichigo whispered, finger pressing lightly against her entrance. Orihime gasped and came.

"K-King! Pl-Please! M-Make me yours!"

With a tear, her panties were gone and thrown into a corner. The moment she heard it hit the floor, her virginity was gone, Ichigo's hard member buried deeply inside her burning hot, tight pussy.

"AAAHHHNNN!" His strong hands took hold of her breasts as his lips crashed against hers, passionately kissing her and accepting her cries into his mouth. Contrary to his previous efforts, there was no gentleness as he took her. His thrusts were deep and rough, large cock spreading her open and pounding deeper into her without mercy. She could feel, in addition to the fucking, his balls slapping against her ass almost painfully, as his hands gripped her breasts almost uncomfortably tight.

She loved every second of it. Orihime wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her feet into the futon to thrust herself back up against him.

"HNNGH! MMPH! MMNGH!" Orihime's tongue dueled furiously with Ichigo's, their lips rubbing and sucking. Her fingernails dug into his back as he sped up even faster, making her breasts shake with each deep thrust. Ichigo broke the kiss and took her hair into his hand, tugging on it to get at her neck.

"Haaungh! Haaa! Haaa! K-King! King!" She cried out hotly.

"Haa! Haa! Do you, un, like being fucked by your King, Orihime?" Ichigo growled, rolling his hips as he penetrated her.

"Y-Yes! Yesss! I-I love being fucked by my King! My King! M-MY _KIIIIIIEEEYYYAAHHH_!" Her pussy clenched tightly around him, squeezing him hard and coaxing him for his seed. Ichigo groaned and kept going, pounding Orihime into the futon even harder.

"AH-AAAAAHHHH! _AAAAHHHHHH_!" She cried out happily, gushing all over Ichigo's cock as one orgasm turned into many. Every exhalation became a scream, either something incomprehensible or his name as loudly as she could manage.

Ichigo growled into her ear, cock shuttling in and out of her tight pussy. Her orgasms made her even slicker, and eroded his control away more and more, until…

"UNGH! O-Orihime, I-I'm cumming!" He groaned.

"YES! YES! C-CUM IN ME, K-KING! CUM IN MEEEEEE~!" Orihime screamed again, squirting all over his lower stomach. Ichigo responded by biting down onto her shoulder as he came, spurting over and over into her hungry womb. Orihime tightened her grip on Ichigo, holding him more tightly against her.

"Ooohhh… I-It's in me… In meee…" She crooned. Ichigo let her shoulder go, and licked at her neck as he finished cumming inside her. He pressed his nose against her neck and nuzzled her, taking slow, deep breaths.

"Hnnn…"

Orihime's body quieted, her grip on Ichigo loosening as she caught her breath. Her hands went over his back as she affectionately rubbed her cheek against his. He kissed her again, hands going up to cup her face.

"Mmmm…"

Orihime broke the kiss, and nuzzled him again with a small smile.

"King… Please… Again?"

Ichigo smirked a little. "Please? That's it?" He pulled out of her pussy half-way, and pushed back in, making her moan cutely.

"Ohhh… P-Please King… Ahn… Take me again…"

Ichigo looked her intently in the eyes. "Beg me..."

Orihime didn't hesitate for a second. "King, I'm begging you… Fuck me again." She moaned and reached her hands down as Ichigo pulled all the way out. Taking deep breaths, her fingers went to the sides of her pussy, and pulled the wet, pink lips open wide. A bit of his white seed trickled out of her hole, joining the small puddle of her juices underneath her ass.

"Please King… F-Fuck my pussy… L-Look, it's so pink… J-Just for you," she whispered. Ichigo needed no further encouragement, and the apartment was soon filled with Orihime's cries and screams once again.

Some time later, the two finally exhausted themselves and laid cuddled together on the futon. Orihime wore a surgically irremovable smile and even Ichigo wondered if he'd ever scowl again.

"Mmm..." Orihime sighed and nuzzled his chest. Her fingers played with his hair. "Thank you... Kurosaki-kun."

"It... It was nothing," Ichigo said quietly. He frowned thoughtfully at Orihime, serious despite the warmth of the afterglow. "Inoue... Orihime, I just..."

"Hm?"

"Why... This?" He asked. Orihime blushed, an incredible feat considering what they had been doing for the past couple of hours.

"Because... Because I..." She sighed and smiled at him. "It's my fantasy... And you fulfilled it. And I'm happy for it."

"You know... You know you don't have to hide anything from me, right?" He asked quietly. "If anything happened in Hueco Mundo, and... Um..."

Orihime smiled fondly at him, ruffling his hair.

"All that happened is that... I was rescued, Kurosaki-kun. You saved me. And that's... That's good enough for me."

"... But you wanted more... Didn't you?" Ichigo asked quietly. Orihime closed her eyes and looked away.

"... I think... I think my time is up, Kurosaki-kun," she spoke in a subdued tone. She slowly got up and knelt down, collecting Ichigo's clothing for him. He swallowed audibly, but got the hint, sitting up.

After cleaning himself up, and getting dressed, he was led to the door by Orihime, who still hadn't gotten dressed. She opened the door and gave him a warm smile.

"Thank you so much, Kurosaki-kun."

"... Ichigo," he spoke quietly. Orihime blinked, confusion on her face.

"Ah?"

He looked at her, the hint of a smile on his lips. "Ichigo... I want you to call me that, from now on Orihime."

"... Ichigo," she said with a smaller, but no less honest smile on her face. Ichigo nodded and turned to go, feeling conflicted and more than a little nervous... But the warmth in his heart concerning the big-busted girl had just gotten a lot bigger.

Orihime, for her part, watched Ichigo go, before closing the door and leaning against it, giggling happily. Originally, she had just wanted to... To do it so she could move on. Ichigo surely wouldn't want anything to do with her romantically. And his job... Made things more complicated. She just wanted to have him for a little while, pretend he had made her his own.

And now she found she loved him even more. And maybe... Maybe there was hope for her yet. Humming a happy tune, she walked (limped, actually) to the kitchen to get herself a snack.

* * *

Kuchiki Rukia had been scowling for the past four hours, seething as she watched the "action" from a building rooftop. She knew the nature of Ichigo's job. She had tried to keep her latent feelings for the hard-headed blond under wraps, telling herself she'd just hired him to gain some absolution, some peace of mind regarding Kaien.

The trouble was... It wasn't Kaien's name she had been screaming when she was with Ichigo.

She'd seen what Orihime had done... Seen how warmly Ichigo had looked at her, after they were done. Jealousy had pushed her to follow Ichigo around this day, and now it just seemed to justify it's existence.

_That little, goddamned bitch... Ichigo... Ichigo is MINE, damnit!_

She could deal with his job. There was no true love behind it. But what she'd just seen...

"Rukia."

"EEP!" Rukia squealed, jumping in shock. She turned and gasped at the sight of her big brother standing on the rooftop nearby, eyebrow raised. She stuttered out an explanation of some kind.

"I-I-I, it just, I was-!"

"Rukia," Byakuya said flatly, and Rukia was silent. Her older brother glanced at the apartment below, watching Ichigo emerge, out of bankai form. Rukia watched with him.

"When I married Hisana, nearly the entire clan was against it," he began. "A number of them even spread rumors that she had been a prostitute in Zaraki."

Rukia started, and stared at Byakuya. The Kuchiki lord's expression softened just a bit when he looked back at her.

"This was not true of course. She was too proud to sully her body that way... But it did not stop the rumors."

Rukia stared at him in silence. Byakuya sighed.

"But... Even if she had been, I would still have loved her. She was the same woman regardless. Compassionate, kind, understanding, patient..." Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

"And worth _fighting_ for."

Rukia stared at Byakuya, and slowly smiled. He nodded to her.

"I also believe that Inoue is not the only person Kurosaki has rescued. Correct?"

"... Th-Thank you, Nii-sama," Rukia said gratefully. Already plans were forming in her sharp mind... But not before a question arose, which she directed to Byakuya as he was about to depart.

"Um... Nii-sama?"

"Yes, Rukia?"

"... Why are you here? And how did you know about what Inoue and Ichigo were, um...?"

Byakuya slowly turned his head to look at Rukia over his shoulder... And gave her a small shrug and even smaller smirk.

"We all have our hobbies, Rukia."

Byakuya vanished into flashstep, leaving a gobsmacked Rukia to stare after him.

* * *

**Consider this your Christmas gift.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo**

By Andrew J. Talon and The EroSennin

Based upon an idea by byakuryuu

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Bleach is the property of Noriaki "Tite" Kubo, Shonen Jump, Viz and others. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: This is a collaboration with The Sage of Toads, and is officially part of his "Interview" verse. How far it will go is up to him, but until we decide that, enjoy.

* * *

"Fucking manwhore," Renji hiccuped. He swayed on his barstool unsteadily, already on his tenth bottle of sake. He had gotten the nice bottles, not the plain ones, forgoing a new pair of sunglasses for all the booze he could find. "Gettin'... All the women, making it... So's they don't want anyone else!"

"Yeah," grunted Kira with a snort, staring off into space listlessly. "Momo's all... 'He helped me get over my issues with Aizen, that fucking prick!'," he warbled in a bad impression of Hinamori.

"Eh? She called Ichigo a prick?" Renji asked.

"No! No, she called _Aizen_ the prick! Least I hope she's calling him that prick, who she has issues with," Kira slurred. He threw back another drink and growled.

"I'd have helped her with her issues, _goddamnit_!"

"You're emo," Hisagi snorted nearby, sipping from a Western style mug. "You don't help with issues, you _have_ them."

Ignoring Kira's angry sputtering, Renji held up his bottle of sake. Booze always put him in a philosophical mood. It wasn't too different from his complaining mood, but it sounded better.

"I mean... He coulda stuck with Yoruichi. Don't grudge him her. She's hot, but she ain't... Ain't my childhood friend!" Renji snorted. Assorted nods from his fellow men followed.

"But! But no... He has to take each! And! Every! Single! One!" Renji slammed his drink down angrily. "They don't give a damn about anything else but the sex! Those... Those lousy sex obsessed women!"

"Yeah!" Kira proclaimed drunkenly. "He's ruinin' all the women!"

"Prick!"

"Bastard!"

"Hang him by his balls!"

"Che," came a snort. All three men turned and looked at one Captain Kyoraku. He considered his bowl of sake with surprisingly clear eyes, and downed it in one gulp. The well dressed captain rose from his seat, and turned to address the bar with the eloquence and fire of a great holy man.

"Captain?" Renji tried. Shunsui shook his head.

"Fools... You're looking to hang the wrong guy. Guys. Cause, you know... It's our own damn fault," Shunsui concluded.

"Eh?"

"How?"

"Because, my fellow men... My fellow Shinigami," Shunsui said dramatically, "we have failed our women. We have not done our duty, to ensure they are sexually satisfied." He downed more sake, sighing like a poet with writer's block.

"But, more than that, my fellow men... We have not used sex PROPERLY!" Shunsui declared. "We haven't... Haven't used it as the great thing it is... When done properly... To solve the ills of the world! One messed up woman's psyche, at a time!" He held up his hands as though to yank down the heavens, before thinking better of it.

He stood up shakily, grabbing a bottle of hard liquor with which to wander about the bar.

"Unohana's maternal tendencies... Isane's big sister issues... Hinamori's... Various issues..." Shunsui sighed. "Nanao-chan's desire for control... Nay, men, I tell you, the fault lies in ourselves! For we have not done our duty!" He swayed dramatically, tears pouring forth from his eyes.

"But... Is it too late... For Man? Or is Kurosaki Ichigo a Man above Men? The only one of us, willing to do what it takes, to give our women what they need? What they desire?" Shunsui cried. "Oh, if my beloved Nanao-chan is happy, is it not selfish of me to envy a man who can? Is it too late for me to realize the error of my ways?"

"No Captain! It-It can't be too late!" Renji sobbed. Kira slammed his head into the bar, sobbing loudly as well. Hisagi snorted.

"Fucking deal you spazzy virgin..." He cursed.

"SPAZZY VIRGIN?" Renji snarled, trying to swing his sword for Hisagi but succeeding only in splashing him with booze. "I'll show you! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL! I've got a... I've got a great idea! I'm gonna go... To the Real World... And take HIS women! Yeah! Fucking yeah! SOUL SOCIETY NEEDS WOMEN!" Renji roared.

"I totally agree!" Kira cheered. Hisagi sighed.

"Well... Might as well go to make sure you don't do any real damage..." He wiped off the excess liquor.

"TO THE REAL WORLD!" Renji declared. Shunsui sighed as the trio left.

"Is this the end...?" He shook his head and steeled himself by downing the bottle of sake.

"NEVER! Shusui, ya shouldn't lose hope! *hic* Only real men... Not real men... Give up! I'M COMING, MY SWEET NANAO-CHANNNN!"

* * *

_Tap tap tap tap!_

"Nnngh..." Tatsuki moaned, sitting up in bed. She rubbed her eyes and looked over at the window, blinking blearily. Her eyes widened and then narrowed.

"What the hell...?" She mumbled with a yawn, leaning over and opening the window. A red-faced Renji sat on the window sill, swaying slightly.

"Yo, tomboy," he said. Tatsuki scowled and looked at the clock.

"Renji? What the hell...? It's three in the morning!"

"I gotta ask ya something!" Renji said in an overly loud voice.

"Guh... If it's to train, come back in a few hours will you? I need my sleep if I'm going to kick your ass," Tatsuki huffed. Renji scowled.

"You didn't kick my ass! I distinctly remember your feet never hit that part of my body!"

"Fine, I'll make sure they do next time! Now go away!" Tatsuki hissed. "And would you keep it quiet? My parents are sleeping!"

"They're not spiritually aware, so they can't hear me," Renji said, in an almost lucid tone. "Even if I do this. HEY HEY HEYYYYYY! RENJI IS GREAT! HIS GIANT SNAKE CAN BLOW SHIT UP!" He spun around while waving his arms above his head. Tatsuki's eyes narrowed to the point she looked as though she was trying to set him on fire with her mind.

"Renji... Are you _drunk?"_ Tatsuki growled. Renji looked back at her and blinked several times.

"I don't think so... You always look this good when I'm sober," he said with a grin. Tatsuki's cheeks turned red and she scowled.

"Well fine! If you're not drunk, then what are you here for?"

"I've gotta ask you something!" Renji said seriously, though it was hard to tell with how his eyes were going all over the place.

Tatuski groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead.

"Gah... What?"

"You ain't... Hired Kurosaki yet, right?" He asked. Tatsuki blinked at him, irritated.

"For _what?"_

"You know...?" Renji said, waving his hands vaguely.

"No, I don't," Tatsuki stated flatly. Renji nodded to himself and leaned forward, giving her a smile. Tatsuki flushed at his proximity and scowled.

"What?"

"Then... Can I have your babies? And... Stuff?" He asked.

"... Renji, either get the hell away from my house until you're sober, or I'm punching you out," Tatsuki stated flatly. Renji grinned.

"I always liked them... Tsundere! C'mon, Soul Society needs women!"

"..."

_POW!_

Renji went flying off the windowsill and crashed into a cluster of garbage cans. Tatsuki pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned. Ever since Ichigo and his friends had come back from Hueco Mundo, she'd trained with Renji in Urahara's "basement". He was rather like Ichigo and the two had become fairly decent friends.

Not decent enough, however, to drag his drunken ass out of the garbage... At least, not until morning.

* * *

**Yeah, it's non-lemony but be assured, lemons are on the way. Next up, Nanao and Rangiku, and then Rukia's next special. Stay tuned.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Kurosaki Ichigo: Seireitei Gigolo**

By Andrew J. Talon and The EroSennin

Based upon an idea by byakuryuu

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Bleach is the property of Noriaki "Tite" Kubo, Shonen Jump, Viz and others. Please support the official release.

Author's Note: This chapter written by Warai Kitsune. Due to the length of time it's taking to get the Nanao and Rangiku chapters done, I decided I didn't want to leave you guys hanging.

Great, I'm doing filler. Someone shoot me...

* * *

This...this was going far enough. Hell, this went BEYOND far enough.

Ichigo stared at the almost mechanically neat hand-writing on his latest request for a special. It wasn't that there weren't lines he wouldn't cross, there were (only taking on the requests of females, for example). Hell, on the surface of it, this wasn't even all that bad, really. Not entirely unlike some of what he'd done before, even.

Re-enacting some of the more...dramatic moments of his life as viewed through a porn-fiilter? Odd, but not necessarily bad...kind of...fun, actually. Putting himself in role-playing situations? Sure, why not? Hell, even dressing up as Aizen to be Momo's 'punching bag' hadn't been all that unpleasant (she'd devoted more of her energy to bawling him out and demanding service than actually trying to inflict pain).

But this...this crossed a line.

Grumbling, he flung himself on to his bed, struggling to figure out how to deal with this one. He couldn't turn down a commission; that would be BAD for business. Not to mention likely get him shot or stabbed or incinerated or...well, you get the idea.

Frowning, he read through it a second time...and paused. If you looked at it one way, it was a simple enough request. On the other hand...there was room for...

...unorthodox interpretation.

Ichigo grinned.

And this way, he even got a bit of revenge in the process.

* * *

It might have worried him a bit more if he'd realized he was actually playing directly into her hands.

* * *

Ishida groaned as consciousness returned. His attempt to rub his forehead came to nothing; it generally did when said hand is currently in chains.

That was enough to jump-start his memory, what there was of it. He'd been walking home, his mind more or less clear from a pleasantly boring day when something had hit him. He hadn't had time to react; a sudden, burning flare of familiar reiatsu followed by a spike of pain from what he was guessing was a blunt instrument to the back of the head...

...and he woke up here. In the dark. Chained to a slab.

Stark naked, if the draft was any indication.

It had been shinigami reiatsu...he forced down a momentary spark of terror as he imagined the most obvious circumstance that would lead to this.

At which point, Kurotsuchi Nemu stepped out of the shadows, her normal miniskirted shinigami uniform replaced by a nurse's outfit so tight that it appeared to be painted on.

The tailor in him was quick to note that there wasn't ANY cloth, not even in soul society that would behave like that. It was followed by the desperately repressed pervert in him realizing that it didn't seem to be painted on, it WAS painted on.

He would later regard that while a blush would have been embarassing enough, the actual...location of the redirected blood flow embarassed him quite a bit more.

At which point Nemu pulled on a long rubber glove, making sure to snap the elastic band as it reached her elbow. "I apologize, but the last of the Quincies...it would be a crime NOT to examine you as...completely as possible.

A mix of shock, terror, blind lust, and illogical rage swept Ishida. Those dim, mechanical portions of his psyche that were still working under the emotional fervor noted that his abilities hadn't been restrained, and that the dramatic tesla-coil-looking thingies were an absolutely perfect source of free, high-energy reishi.

It was the work of a moment to blast himself free from the slab, knocking Nemu off her feet and into a conveniently-placed puddle of paint solvent...among other things.

At which point Ishida...

* * *

Matsumoto giggled as she shared a round with Nemu. "So, you finally decided to take advantage of Kurosaki's services?" She leaned forward, grinning conspiratorily. "Come on, I want ALL the details."

Momo, Rukia, and Isane leaned a bit back. They might not...actively oppose what he was doing, but somewhere deep down, each wished that the things he did were afforded a slightly more...exclusive nature.

Nemu carefully sipped at her own warmed sake, her body breaking it down long before it could inebriate her. "I manipulated Kurosaki-san into kidnapping Ishida Uryu, and putting him in one of the more overly-dramatic, least functional labs in the 12th's grounds. After adminstering a border-line overdose of aphrodisiacs to him, I put him into an overly elaborate, easily escapable situation, and tempted him severely." She sipped at her sake again, the absolute, disturbingly Unohana-esque serenity on her face completely at odds with the shock on everyone else's. "He gave in. Rather enthusiasticaly, though it will require further observation to determine if that is in his nature, or merely the effect of the psychoactive chemicals he was at the time under the influence of."

"...how was he?"

MUCH staring.

Momo clapped her hands to her mouth. "...I wasn't supposed to say that out loud..." she whispered.

For once, Nemu's composure broke as she unconsciously blushed. "...again, I think it would be premature to make any judgments without further...experimentation. However, I will say that he is very...skilled, with his hands."

Patrons at the bar started and turned to watch as Matsumoto rolled on the floor, howling with laughter.

* * *

Ichigo sweated nervously as an irate Uryu stared down an arrow at him. That might not have been such a problem, except that Ishida had had the foresight to send his substitute-shinigami-badge flying with his first shot.

And unfortunately, Ishida could use his powers in a normal body. Ichigo couldn't. "Um..."

Light frosted over Ishida's glasses ominously. "I suppose on some level I ought to be grateful for what you provided me."

"...er, right..."

"However," he continued in that same maddeningly calm voice, "I really would have preferred it to have happened in a slightly less...contrived situation." After a further few moments of thought, he continued. "It occurs to me that even if I DID kill you for this, that would actually put you in a situation to better retaliate, though I suppose that long before you had the opportunity, I'd have to deal with your...customers."

Ichigo had never before been so glad to be a man-whore.

"...on the other hand, non-fatal, non-permanent injuries...ones which do not interfere with your...business practices would not only allow me some small measure of revenge, as well as spare me the worst of their wrath, but it would also put you in a position where you'd have to continue those business practices. To say nothing," he added, smirking, "of those favors that your imminent nurses will no doubt demand."

Ichigo had never before wished so badly he wasn't a man-whore.


End file.
